The Odd Couple

The Devil licked his lips uncertainly.
"What do you mean, you're quitting?"
"It's just as I said, what else is there to say?" God replied lighting a cigarette.
The two seemingly eternal rivals were sitting side-by-side on a park bench overlooking the Scottish country side below.
"Where does that leave me?"
"I'm sure you'll find something, or someone, to keep you busy. Maybe you can take up the fiddle again? I always found that rather entertaining."
"Haven't played since I lost my golden fiddle to that Johnny kid. How's he doing anyway?"
"Wouldn't know."
"Didn't you get him?"
"I think he took to a life of sin after selling the fiddle for a lump sum, you should check your torture chambers."
"Gah, this is what I get for letting my minions handle the harvesting."
The devil took out his PDA, and made a note to give Johnny some personal torture time when he got back to hell. He sighed as he placed the device back into his coat pocket, and glanced to his left where his ex-mentor was sitting, without any signs of speaking, only smoking. He waited. He looked away. He kept waiting. He was patient.
Finally God took the smoke from his mouth and stubbed it out on the bench. He slid another one out from behind his ear and placed it in his mouth.
"Would you be so kind as to light it for me? As you have stolen both my matches and my lighter."
The Devil grinned "I thought I got the cigarettes too."
"I always keep a spare behind my ear these days. You'd know that if you weren't slacking off so much."
Lucifer reached over with his pilfered lighter and did as was requested of him; just because you were evil didn't mean you had to be rude.
God smiled "Much better." and blew out a series of five rings that floated off into the distance "Shall we get down to business then? I'm leaving everything to you."
The Devil scowled as he stood up "What makes you think I'll accept?"
"Something to do with the final victory against the forces of light, and what not."
"Victory by default is nothing to be proud of, if I'm taking this garbage heap I'm taking it by force."
"Do as you wish, I just never figured you to be the type to play both sides of the chess board."
"How dare you!"
"How? Quite easily really."
"I refuse, I refuse, I refuse! You can't do this to me. You can't do this, period! The game is not over."
"It will never be over."
"Then why don't we play something else?"
"Thats what we did with the dinosaurs, didn't solve a thing, still got boring."
"Then...we'll let them go."
God looked up at this, and then dropped his head to the side in a contemplative manner. He shifted the cigarette around with his lips for a few minutes, then finally brought his hand up and popped it out of his mouth. "Do you think they could handle it?"
"They'll probably be happier that way than if I was in charge."
"Since when do you care about their happiness." God chuckled.
"I don't! This is purely for selfish reasons. I just don't want to be stuck with the responsibility of it all."
"So where would we go?"
"How should I know. I'm sure you had this all planned word for word from the start, where were you thinking?"
"There is apparently a race of highly intelligent squid crawling out of the primordial soup as we speak."
The Devil closed his eyes "Ah...yes, in the...for lack of a better term, central eastern extragalactic plane."
"You've come very far, are you sure you don't want to reconsider taking my place here?"
"I've no interest in becoming an all-father, far too much responsibility."
"What would you have done if you had bested me in a final battle?"
"Right, as if that would happen."
The Holy Father grinned at his most promising creation "Then why continue fighting me?"
"It's fun. But do you mind if we take a break on the new world? I could do with a vacation anyway."
"Just what I was thinking."
The duo put an arm around each other's shoulder and started walking down the hill.
A little ways further up the hill four figures were sitting on the grass. One taking a nap, two of them chatting idly, the final paying close attention to everything that had just transpired.
"Think we should go with them!?" War bellowed to his compatriot.
"...Did...they ask us...too?" inquired Pestilence.
"No, and I have a feeling they will be fine without us, at least for awhile." Conquest noted "What do you think?" he continued, looking at the sleeping figure in the grass.
The figure did not stir, only replying with a loud snore.
"Tsk...sleeping...like...the dead."
"I think he would agree with conquest!"
"WOULD YOU STOP SHOUTING, I AM TRYING TO SLEEP, AND YES, LET THOSE TWO GO OFF ON THEIR OWN FOR A BIT."
The apocalyptic quartet went silent. Death always had the final word.

Existentialism by the Dashboard Light

Lazy.
Drunk.
Stupid.
Stoned.
Useless.

Just a few words which one might use to describe a person who just spent two hours unconscious in the middle of a floor, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the universe.
Now I am not so conceited to believe the universe has, and will, always center around me.
I'm sure when I die someone can try to fill the gap.
But I have spent about a week experiencing a mild identity crisis, which allowed me to encounter a plethora of missed opportunities in various aspects of my life.

Alas, no amount of train riding, hand holding, lip locking, bike riding, sun-burning, tattooing seemed to completely lift the fog. I managed to shake out of it finally a few hours ago.
I awoke suddenly, my head having apparently found a pizza box to use as a pillow, which was covered in a thin layer of drool and hair, and discovered that I was suddenly more positive about everything.
Leaning out the window of Kat's apartment I looked down at the construction site across the street, which was sadly called 'Porr' and not 'Porn' as I had previously thought, and took a look at the universe on a whole.

Take the construction site for example;
A structure that will out-last any human, pending destruction by natural or man-made forces, is built by, what some consider to be, the lowest of the low humans.
I by no means support this belief, they may be a bit rough around the edges, but they're probably, or were probably, quite intelligent. They simply found something that paid quickly, and required very little thought. Isn't that what we all want?

I've sat around existing in a bohemian sort of state for nearly a year now.
It's been grand, I regret none of it, but all I've gained from it are precious memories.
But memories don't build the future.
I suppose it's time for me to go and do something with myself, or at the very least, find my own construction site to live the rest of my days out on.

"I think I just tasted my fart with my butt."
"...what did it taste like?"
"...pizza."

The French Rail

There are very few organizations on the planet that can treat me like they want to give me a blow-job, while simultaneously giving me the largest headache on the planet.
Telus currently holds the spot for giving me a migraine while acting high and mighty with sweet talk.
The French Rail has joined these ranks.
I walked into the train station, ticket in hand quite ready to catch my train at six in the afternoon. Little did I know...that they had booked my ticket for six in the morning. So after being told I wasn't getting on the train, I asked around about my options. Generally getting the French equivalent of 'Sucks to be you.'
So after I finally found an employee that liked me more than the company that owned her soul, she simply exchanged my ticket for one that was already booked full, and I went on my merry way.
This is also when I discovered sitting on the floor, of a train, in the docking area, due to the lack of chairs , is way more fun actually having a seat. Nothing like sprawling out on the floor at 220 km/h, imagining how many of those glass doors you'd crash through if the train were to hit a wall and send you flying. I figured about five of them, then I'd splatter across the bathroom wall.
I'm very optimistic about my body's aerodynamic potential, if nothing else.

I.B.F

I was about halfway across the train station, making a mad-dash for the train to Wisembourg, that was about to leave, when I suddenly realized I have no idea where I am in the universe anymore.
Spontaneous existence failure if you would.
The body is still there, yes,
but the mind not so much.

So I spent a relatively quiet hour on the train staring out the window, then at the ceiling. I lost my train of thought around the time the ticket guy started getting angry at my girlfriend for not understanding the limitations of an open-ended ticket.
Bloody French rail-system.

Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Following through with a bad plan isn't stupid, its just idiotic.
But we all need to be idiots sometimes. God knows if we left the idiocy to the idiots we'd see no end of idiotic ideas. Just look what happened to television.

I hold the gun in my hand and point it at my friend. This is a bad idea.
I tell him he has to die. This isn't really bad or good, just needs to be noted.
I pull the trigger. Again, bad idea. Duh.

So he's dead right?
Well I don't know that yet though. I think it's all part of our act.
I only realize ten minutes later that I really did shoot my friend in front of countless witnesses.
Again, it all seemed like a hilarious idea yesterday.
Really should have just thrown rocks at each other instead.

Smiling Saucer Cups

The smell of tea as I look out the window in the morning.
Cigarette smoke wafts by as the fourteen year olds two windows over try to be stealthy.
I sip my tea and admire the beauty of this second hand poison in the sun light.
Reaching out, I let it curl around my finger, before the early morning breeze dashes it way.

The Sun pushes the clouds apart like a silky curtain, taking the center stage of the sky above.
Her lips are warm, her eyes are bright and deny me of my sight.
I blow kisses to her with breath of peppermint and green.

Grass on my toes, hat on my head, wind on my chest.
Fully dressed in nothing but life.
The world breathes kisses into me, my heart bleeding strawberries into bloom.

Hayfever Makes it Hard to Die

Ever fallen to the ground, mysterious poison filling your blood, watching as the world goes dark as you finally cross-over to the final abyss, just to have it all ruined by an itchy nose?
It's very quite annoying.
A real buzz-killer.

Just try lying there for all eternity with an ever impending sneeze, I dare you. It'll drive you insane, completely over the deep end.
It practically forces you to revive just to jam a friendly finger in your nose.