Apparently I am water.
Typically yes, most human beings are comprised rather substantially of water.
I on the other hand, am water.
I never really thought of it before, until someone pointed it out during a commentary on the elemental relations of human beings.
I look in the mirror, and sometimes wonder what I'm thinking about.
I'm filled with feelings I can't really comprehend, but I let them bubble up anyway.
I'm clear as day on a good day, and impenetrably dark on a bad day.
I occasionally rage around and crush tiny little villages that nobody has heard of, but will never forget 'till next Tuesday.
I'm also filled with fish.
I hate fish.
God damned little finned Pisces of shit.
It's warm in here. I have every window open, I am naked, and I am sweating bullets.
I swear to god, if I had sex I'd probably just die of dehydration.
I'd write something more substantial, but I can barely think.
I'm gonna go lather myself in ice-cream and climb into the fridge.
Defrost me when dolphins and apes rule the world, they'll be more reasonable about this climate control thing.
"I ran into my dream girl yesterday."
"Did you ask her out?"
"No, I scolded her and forced her back into my head."
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
me, myself
you're a fuck
thats not very nice
its true
how so
you never take it seriously
what are we on about this time
life
and
your place in it
not quite getting it
you're afraid
of what
of yourself
thats odd
yes, it really is
who are you again
you
me
yes
really
yes
shit
i know
how long have you been listening
the whole time
shit
i know
how can we fix this
we can't
why not
i don't know
then who can we blame
nobody
not even them
nobody but yourself to blame
fuck
i know
what should we do
for starters
yes
stop talking to yourself, it creeps me out
thats not very nice
its true
how so
you never take it seriously
what are we on about this time
life
and
your place in it
not quite getting it
you're afraid
of what
of yourself
thats odd
yes, it really is
who are you again
you
me
yes
really
yes
shit
i know
how long have you been listening
the whole time
shit
i know
how can we fix this
we can't
why not
i don't know
then who can we blame
nobody
not even them
nobody but yourself to blame
fuck
i know
what should we do
for starters
yes
stop talking to yourself, it creeps me out
Thursday, July 17, 2008
when I try
from Zen sickness to fly
I'm sometimes low
and I'm sometimes high
sometimes I'm in
sometimes I'm out
sometimes I sing
sometimes I shout
sometimes I just laze around
sometimes I go underground
but
nevertheless
I must confess
it all seems less
than second best
without the one for whom I care
to pick my nose
and pull my hair
-R.D. Laing
from Zen sickness to fly
I'm sometimes low
and I'm sometimes high
sometimes I'm in
sometimes I'm out
sometimes I sing
sometimes I shout
sometimes I just laze around
sometimes I go underground
but
nevertheless
I must confess
it all seems less
than second best
without the one for whom I care
to pick my nose
and pull my hair
-R.D. Laing
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Suicide Pants
I've had these pants for ten years now.
I only wash them when I manage to catch them.
They're black and made of this wretched synthetic material.
They're comfy as the dead, smell like them too.
Cozy as a coffin, clean as the mud around it.
Suicide Pants.
They took their name about two years ago.
I was lying in bed when my friend crawled in with me.
It was early morning and we just lay their holding each other.
Until she sniffed the air.
I explained the origin of the smell, and she leaped out of the bed.
I came home from work and she'd washed them, was even wearing them.
"They're comfy, but I wanna kill myself for wearing them."
Suicide Pants.
Eventually the vile things had worked their disgusting magic on her too.
She had ceased washing them for months on end.
They were probably worse off, as we took turns wearing them.
I sometimes liked to pretend they were our equivalent of a community garden.
Suicide Pants.
So here I sit, the nautical equivalent of a thousand hop skip jumps away.
The vile creatures clinging to my skin.
They've been washed enough times since I got here.
But I can still smell the history on them.
It wreaks. But I forgive them.
Suicide Pants.
I only wash them when I manage to catch them.
They're black and made of this wretched synthetic material.
They're comfy as the dead, smell like them too.
Cozy as a coffin, clean as the mud around it.
Suicide Pants.
They took their name about two years ago.
I was lying in bed when my friend crawled in with me.
It was early morning and we just lay their holding each other.
Until she sniffed the air.
I explained the origin of the smell, and she leaped out of the bed.
I came home from work and she'd washed them, was even wearing them.
"They're comfy, but I wanna kill myself for wearing them."
Suicide Pants.
Eventually the vile things had worked their disgusting magic on her too.
She had ceased washing them for months on end.
They were probably worse off, as we took turns wearing them.
I sometimes liked to pretend they were our equivalent of a community garden.
Suicide Pants.
So here I sit, the nautical equivalent of a thousand hop skip jumps away.
The vile creatures clinging to my skin.
They've been washed enough times since I got here.
But I can still smell the history on them.
It wreaks. But I forgive them.
Suicide Pants.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Getting Ahead in Life
I think my stomach is developing its own type of morris code. It's been clicking and gurgling at various pitches for the past few hours.
Wrote this a long time ago, decided to stick it on here. I plan to finish it one day.
“Hey sleepy head, what’s bothering you?” she smiled yawning.
I stared into her eyes for what seemed like forever, my brain slowly forming the words in my mouth, while slowly rotting into a numb carcass.
”Nothing…what on Earth makes you think something is wrong?”
”You just have that look in your eyes, well…more your one eye. Whenever something is wrong or you’re just thinking a lot, it seems to just…I dunno, its hard to describe.”
Such irony and coincidence, of course she’d comment on the eye…
”I was just thinking about someone, well…I had a dream about them and then woke up, its not important.”
She smiled, that wonderful…delusional playful smile of hers.
”If you say so…” she yawned deeply and kissed my forehead “I gotta get up early…so I should probably go back to sleep…I love you.”
I smiled at her, returning the gesture…the gesture, god it used to mean so much more, at least I thought it did…maybe I still do, I just don’t know anymore. I stared into her eyes as they slowly started to close.
”Who was she...?” she grinned, her eyes closed now.
”What makes you think it was a girl?”
Her hand moved slowly under the blanket and she tapped my erection.
”How do you know it wasn’t a guy?” I chuckled.
She giggled slowly “Shutup…night.”
I was rudely awoken by the phone in the morning, one of those terrible electronic rings too. High-pitched, without a trace of a pleasant decibel. I slowly reached over to prod my wife awake, so she could deal with the terrible thing, only to remember that she had left early for a trip with some friends. So I clambered slowly out of bed and made the trek to the phone, mumbling and grumbling all the way.
There are many moments in life, where one will feel a cold chill and a sense of foreboding before doing something. A cold snakes down the spine, then back up it and bites into the back of your head, filling it with the poison of regret for events that hadn’t even happened yet. This just happened to be one of those times. I trembled in my nakedness in the middle of the room and gave myself a second to compose myself before answering the phone.
I grumbled “Hello?” and then I yawned “Yes, this is Simon.”
Obviously having failed at any act of composure before answering, at least I was consistent, since I did that with all my phone calls.
”Hey Simon!” a shrill but all too vaguely familiar voiced chimed over the phone “It’s been forever! I missed you.”
”Hey…” I mentally snapped my fingers and winced “Kevin…how have ya been man?”
”Don’t you man me, that is freakishly hetero talk, you’re better than that.”
”I am straight, we’ve been over this, I know you love me, but it will never work out, I just don’t like cock.” I laughed.
”Yet you stroke one everyday over and over while looking at porn dreaming of a life you’ll never have, speaking of which how is being married?” Kevin cackled.
”Har har, and its fine. So what prompts this breaking of our…five year miscommunication with each other?”
”What not happy to hear from me, por vous Simon, por vous.”
”What the hell does that even me? You know I hate French.”
”I dunno, who cares, but por VOUS. Anyway, I do have a reason. A pretty good, bad, maybe even irrelevant one? I don’t know, but it was deemed someone should mention it to you, and I called dibs.”
”I see…so what is it?”
”What no foreplay? You’re no fun, fine. You remember Hanako?”
The chill erupted in my spine again now mixed with the memories of the dream I had last night.
”Yes, vaguely.”
”Well she’s dead.”
”Oh…” I started to smile slowly, but my lips thought better of it and sagged into a frown “What happened?”
”Nobody is really sure, the popular story is that her toy of the month cracked her head in, do you wanna get in on the pool and take a guess before the truth comes out?”
”A tad inappropriate don’t you think? Put me down for sexual disease involving puss and inflammation.”
Kevin let out a shrill hysterical laugh on the other side
”I will do that darling, so you gonna come to the funeral? Its in four days apparently.”
I sighed and looked at the clock
”Ya sure, why not. The Mrs. won’t be back for a week anyway. Can crap on her jovial mood with a funeral story about an ex-lover when she gets back.”
”Aww how sweet, you really are married and in love.”
I wrote down a few times and dates on a piece of paper, then hung up the phone.
The box was covered in dust, hell the room was covered in dust, I hadn’t been up here in years. Forgotten memories, despised ideas, useless trinkets. That’s what attics were for at my age. My hands slowly reached for the small brown package, a slight jolt rushed through me as I touched the surface. I froze for a few minutes, then quickly stood up with the box and dusted it off as I headed for the van, which was also covered in dust. The van was this ancient blue monstrosity, with streaks of silver all over him where paint had been ripped off from rough trips.
It had never occurred to me to maintain him properly since I parked it in the garage three years ago, my roaming days done.
But he was my ride through all my journeys, I wouldn’t let him miss out on this one, whether he liked it or not.
I popped open the driver’s seat door and tossed the box into the passenger side. Hopping in I realized something stank terribly. I decided to chalk it up to the smell of personal history and past adventure, not wanting to waste thought on what horrific forms of sentient life were forming in the bowels of the van. The windows were all opened quickly, thank god it was summer, I might be able leave them that way the whole trip.
Now for the moment of truth or damnation, I slowly pushed the key into the ignition and gave it a twist. The engine squealed. I gave it a twist with some gas this time, the engine screeched. I prayed to the automotive gods above and gave it one final try, it roared to life. I patted the dashboard.
“We can do this Frank, we’ve done worse.”
I pulled out into the street, and into the hot sun. The fresh air really helped with the stench. The van gave a slight sputter.
“Alright, alright, I know a guy, we’ll have him take a look at you before we hit the highway.”
Frank checked out, against all odds. Ted stared at me. “What in the nine hells have you been doing to this thing of beauty?” Ted continued to stare.
“This thing of beauty is Frank, and I haven’t been doing anything.”
“I can damn well tell, it’s a wonder the old boy ain’t dead from neglectin’. Looks like he’s willing though, if you give him a way. I’d take it slow though, and not too far.”
I paused and thought for a minute, but decided to tell him the truth “Were going to the west coast. Gotta be there in four days.”
“God dammit! He aint gonna make it, and if he does, he ain’t coming back.”
“One final ride then I guess.”
“My god, its like an elephant going back to its ancestral graveyard to die.”
“Stop watching Discovery channel Ted, I gotta go though, thanks for everything.”
I jumped up into the driver seat, and noted that the car started more smoothly now. Ted was a genius…with engines anyway.
“Goodbye Simon, you take of yourself, and Frank, if you can manage to fit ‘not destroying’ him into your busy ass schedule.”
I honked the horn and gave Ted a wave as I pulled out of the junkyard he called his home. I turned my head and quickly jumped out of my skin as I heard gun shots being fired from the junkyard. My head shot out the window to see what happened. Ted was firing off rounds, out of a busted up rifle, into the air.
“One gun salute for you Frank! Come back alive, or don’t come back at all!”
Crazy bastard.
Wrote this a long time ago, decided to stick it on here. I plan to finish it one day.
“Hey sleepy head, what’s bothering you?” she smiled yawning.
I stared into her eyes for what seemed like forever, my brain slowly forming the words in my mouth, while slowly rotting into a numb carcass.
”Nothing…what on Earth makes you think something is wrong?”
”You just have that look in your eyes, well…more your one eye. Whenever something is wrong or you’re just thinking a lot, it seems to just…I dunno, its hard to describe.”
Such irony and coincidence, of course she’d comment on the eye…
”I was just thinking about someone, well…I had a dream about them and then woke up, its not important.”
She smiled, that wonderful…delusional playful smile of hers.
”If you say so…” she yawned deeply and kissed my forehead “I gotta get up early…so I should probably go back to sleep…I love you.”
I smiled at her, returning the gesture…the gesture, god it used to mean so much more, at least I thought it did…maybe I still do, I just don’t know anymore. I stared into her eyes as they slowly started to close.
”Who was she...?” she grinned, her eyes closed now.
”What makes you think it was a girl?”
Her hand moved slowly under the blanket and she tapped my erection.
”How do you know it wasn’t a guy?” I chuckled.
She giggled slowly “Shutup…night.”
I was rudely awoken by the phone in the morning, one of those terrible electronic rings too. High-pitched, without a trace of a pleasant decibel. I slowly reached over to prod my wife awake, so she could deal with the terrible thing, only to remember that she had left early for a trip with some friends. So I clambered slowly out of bed and made the trek to the phone, mumbling and grumbling all the way.
There are many moments in life, where one will feel a cold chill and a sense of foreboding before doing something. A cold snakes down the spine, then back up it and bites into the back of your head, filling it with the poison of regret for events that hadn’t even happened yet. This just happened to be one of those times. I trembled in my nakedness in the middle of the room and gave myself a second to compose myself before answering the phone.
I grumbled “Hello?” and then I yawned “Yes, this is Simon.”
Obviously having failed at any act of composure before answering, at least I was consistent, since I did that with all my phone calls.
”Hey Simon!” a shrill but all too vaguely familiar voiced chimed over the phone “It’s been forever! I missed you.”
”Hey…” I mentally snapped my fingers and winced “Kevin…how have ya been man?”
”Don’t you man me, that is freakishly hetero talk, you’re better than that.”
”I am straight, we’ve been over this, I know you love me, but it will never work out, I just don’t like cock.” I laughed.
”Yet you stroke one everyday over and over while looking at porn dreaming of a life you’ll never have, speaking of which how is being married?” Kevin cackled.
”Har har, and its fine. So what prompts this breaking of our…five year miscommunication with each other?”
”What not happy to hear from me, por vous Simon, por vous.”
”What the hell does that even me? You know I hate French.”
”I dunno, who cares, but por VOUS. Anyway, I do have a reason. A pretty good, bad, maybe even irrelevant one? I don’t know, but it was deemed someone should mention it to you, and I called dibs.”
”I see…so what is it?”
”What no foreplay? You’re no fun, fine. You remember Hanako?”
The chill erupted in my spine again now mixed with the memories of the dream I had last night.
”Yes, vaguely.”
”Well she’s dead.”
”Oh…” I started to smile slowly, but my lips thought better of it and sagged into a frown “What happened?”
”Nobody is really sure, the popular story is that her toy of the month cracked her head in, do you wanna get in on the pool and take a guess before the truth comes out?”
”A tad inappropriate don’t you think? Put me down for sexual disease involving puss and inflammation.”
Kevin let out a shrill hysterical laugh on the other side
”I will do that darling, so you gonna come to the funeral? Its in four days apparently.”
I sighed and looked at the clock
”Ya sure, why not. The Mrs. won’t be back for a week anyway. Can crap on her jovial mood with a funeral story about an ex-lover when she gets back.”
”Aww how sweet, you really are married and in love.”
I wrote down a few times and dates on a piece of paper, then hung up the phone.
The box was covered in dust, hell the room was covered in dust, I hadn’t been up here in years. Forgotten memories, despised ideas, useless trinkets. That’s what attics were for at my age. My hands slowly reached for the small brown package, a slight jolt rushed through me as I touched the surface. I froze for a few minutes, then quickly stood up with the box and dusted it off as I headed for the van, which was also covered in dust. The van was this ancient blue monstrosity, with streaks of silver all over him where paint had been ripped off from rough trips.
It had never occurred to me to maintain him properly since I parked it in the garage three years ago, my roaming days done.
But he was my ride through all my journeys, I wouldn’t let him miss out on this one, whether he liked it or not.
I popped open the driver’s seat door and tossed the box into the passenger side. Hopping in I realized something stank terribly. I decided to chalk it up to the smell of personal history and past adventure, not wanting to waste thought on what horrific forms of sentient life were forming in the bowels of the van. The windows were all opened quickly, thank god it was summer, I might be able leave them that way the whole trip.
Now for the moment of truth or damnation, I slowly pushed the key into the ignition and gave it a twist. The engine squealed. I gave it a twist with some gas this time, the engine screeched. I prayed to the automotive gods above and gave it one final try, it roared to life. I patted the dashboard.
“We can do this Frank, we’ve done worse.”
I pulled out into the street, and into the hot sun. The fresh air really helped with the stench. The van gave a slight sputter.
“Alright, alright, I know a guy, we’ll have him take a look at you before we hit the highway.”
Frank checked out, against all odds. Ted stared at me. “What in the nine hells have you been doing to this thing of beauty?” Ted continued to stare.
“This thing of beauty is Frank, and I haven’t been doing anything.”
“I can damn well tell, it’s a wonder the old boy ain’t dead from neglectin’. Looks like he’s willing though, if you give him a way. I’d take it slow though, and not too far.”
I paused and thought for a minute, but decided to tell him the truth “Were going to the west coast. Gotta be there in four days.”
“God dammit! He aint gonna make it, and if he does, he ain’t coming back.”
“One final ride then I guess.”
“My god, its like an elephant going back to its ancestral graveyard to die.”
“Stop watching Discovery channel Ted, I gotta go though, thanks for everything.”
I jumped up into the driver seat, and noted that the car started more smoothly now. Ted was a genius…with engines anyway.
“Goodbye Simon, you take of yourself, and Frank, if you can manage to fit ‘not destroying’ him into your busy ass schedule.”
I honked the horn and gave Ted a wave as I pulled out of the junkyard he called his home. I turned my head and quickly jumped out of my skin as I heard gun shots being fired from the junkyard. My head shot out the window to see what happened. Ted was firing off rounds, out of a busted up rifle, into the air.
“One gun salute for you Frank! Come back alive, or don’t come back at all!”
Crazy bastard.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I Can't Handle the Tooth
It's true, I can't.
Well, I personally think I can handle em.
But that crazy new-fangled dentist guy thinks I need em out.
All five of my little...horizontally inclined...beauties.
Ya fuck, I need em out. Stupid wisdom teeth, plus friend.
Getting three out tomorrow, two more at the end of the month.
It's great too, in Germany they don't knock you out for it, unless you beg and cry.
Since I am not a chicken shit, I'll take it like a rock...a rock covered in blood with five teeth being wrenched out of his head...hmm, rocks don't have teeth.
I'll take it like a potato then.
Guess this is that cunt, Lady Karma, at work. I chip ol' One-Eyed Mexican lizard's tooth and I end up getting an extra tooth yanked out along with my wisdom teeth.
(If you're reading this, I spit on you, god-damned walrus pirate.)
I hope to god they don't use a Mag-Lite to take em out, Karma Khameleon would be taking things too far.
Well, I personally think I can handle em.
But that crazy new-fangled dentist guy thinks I need em out.
All five of my little...horizontally inclined...beauties.
Ya fuck, I need em out. Stupid wisdom teeth, plus friend.
Getting three out tomorrow, two more at the end of the month.
It's great too, in Germany they don't knock you out for it, unless you beg and cry.
Since I am not a chicken shit, I'll take it like a rock...a rock covered in blood with five teeth being wrenched out of his head...hmm, rocks don't have teeth.
I'll take it like a potato then.
Guess this is that cunt, Lady Karma, at work. I chip ol' One-Eyed Mexican lizard's tooth and I end up getting an extra tooth yanked out along with my wisdom teeth.
(If you're reading this, I spit on you, god-damned walrus pirate.)
I hope to god they don't use a Mag-Lite to take em out, Karma Khameleon would be taking things too far.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
This is the Best Part
I was sitting on the river, when I remembered, that people are dying.
Dying in the streets. Dying over there. Dying in the oceans, all around the Earth.
I was walking on the river, when I remembered, that people are living.
Living in the ground. Living in the air. Living in the ashes, all around the Earth.
I was rowing down the river, when I remembered, that people are struggling.
Struggling in the fire. Struggling for a care. Struggling in the filth, all around the Earth.
This is the best part friends, welcome to the show.
This is the part where they die until they're dead.
He's opened his eyes, he's learned to crawl.
Dying till he's dead.
She's got her first boyfriend, her hearts learned to fly.
Dying till she's dead.
I was standing in the park, when I realized, baby ducks.
Waddling on the grass. Splashing over there. Quacking in the sunlight, all around the Earth.
Everyone knows ducks never die, they're just too adorable and awesome for that.
Dying in the streets. Dying over there. Dying in the oceans, all around the Earth.
I was walking on the river, when I remembered, that people are living.
Living in the ground. Living in the air. Living in the ashes, all around the Earth.
I was rowing down the river, when I remembered, that people are struggling.
Struggling in the fire. Struggling for a care. Struggling in the filth, all around the Earth.
This is the best part friends, welcome to the show.
This is the part where they die until they're dead.
He's opened his eyes, he's learned to crawl.
Dying till he's dead.
She's got her first boyfriend, her hearts learned to fly.
Dying till she's dead.
I was standing in the park, when I realized, baby ducks.
Waddling on the grass. Splashing over there. Quacking in the sunlight, all around the Earth.
Everyone knows ducks never die, they're just too adorable and awesome for that.
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